One Year Later

One year ago today, I woke up at 6am tired and groggy from a late night of girl talk and free wine. I had my hair and makeup professionally done while I let several mimosas go to my head. I employed the help of three other girls to put on a while ball gown adorned with lace, chiffon, and crystals. I got closer to my sister than I ever have when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on my something blue panties.

I paced the floor of the Knickerbocker lobby waiting for a limo driver that was thirty minutes late. The nerves subsided just a bit each time a tourist ooh'd, ahhh'd and asked to take a picture with me. I yelled at the sweet but late driver when he asked which route to take to avoid traffic "WHICHEVER ONE IS THE QUICKEST!". My chest began to heave as we approached the church and before I could speak my wonderful florist whisked out of the car and to my Dad in the bridal room. His eyes teared up as the photographer captured our Father Daughter moment.

I began to cry when I saw how many people were in the pews waiting to share our special ceremony. I kneeled longer than I ever thought I could and swapped one Maid of Honor for another when the first got light headed from it all. I smiled uncontrollably as the ceremony, kiss, and pictures went off perfectly. We arrived at the party we threw just for us bathed inattention and champagne. I was surrounded by waiters holding plates of flaky, bite-sized Beef Wellingtons and crispy coconut shrimp. Family and friends excitedly talked with just wanting a moment with the lady of the hour.

I cried at times I never thought I would (best man speech) and I times I knew I would (Father Daughter dance). We convinced people that we practiced our first dance for weeks though we'd been so busy planning we hadn't danced in months. We wowed our guest with a venue that most people hadn't been to in a decade, if at all. We hosted as ifmit were our own home and joined in the show whenever we could. I shocked when I arrived in a party dress

and even my grandmother, who walks with a cane, couldn't keep from getting down. The dance floor, like people glasses, were never empty and the party went on much longer than we could.

One year ago today, I walked into a suite similar to the one I'm in now and next to a man I knew I could never stop loving. And the next day I woke up the way I pray I always will: in the arms of my husband. Today we celebrate our one year anniversary and I invite everyone who celebrated with us this day one year ago to celebrate right along with us. We can't be there but please have a drink, share a laugh and a dance on us!

Where the hell have you been???

That is the question I must ask myself as I finally return to this blog.  Where have I been and why am I here again? You'd think after so long I'd lose interest and give it up. Well, besides being extremely busy planning my own wedding - no I am not going to start a blog about the wedding, wedding planning, wedding day events, wedding memories, etc - I have also been battling with the decision of how public I'd like to make my private life.  I was quite taken aback when a potential business client entered a meeting with me for the first time and noticing the engagement ring on my finger said, "so he finally proposed." Immediately thoughts of terror ran through my mind.  Do I know him? Where from? What did I say or do when we met? My heartbeat slowed only slightly when he said he'd Google'd me before the meeting and came across all my blog posts.  Creepy. Not him but me! How creepy of me to post my personal relationship happenings on an all too public blog. But wait that's the point of these, right? Right...I almost forgot.  It was then that I began an internal dialogue as to whether or not blogging was actually for me. I was flattered when my potential client (who btw is head of his company's Internet marketing group so it's only appropriate that he would Google me before the meeting) told me that my style of writing engaged him enough to read all the posts and wonder what had been going on since my last post oh-so-long-ago.  But was flattery for my creative writing enough to keep me blabbing about our private life? I soon decided 'yes!' And then the other foot dropped.  After a beautiful wedding and in the middle of an amazing honeymoon we discovered something that I wasn't sure I wanted to blog about. 

Cancer.

While we'd been feverishly planning the wedding of my - a'hem - our dreams a very active tumor had begun growing on Rick's lung and eventually migrated also to his heart. It was a pain whose cause is to this day shrouded in mystery that caused us to rush my new husband to a Dominican emergency room 2 days into our honeymoon. After many a scan and x-ray even the doctors didn't know what to think. They wouldn't show us any results for fear that we may not be equipped handle such news. Better that we travel back home in blissful ignorance than in distraught depression. Once back home the U.S. doctors were much more realistic, if not cruel, having almost convinced us that Rick had a lung cancer caused by asbestos. One which has a death rate that you could take to Vegas. After doing some research we realized that was close to impossible and found ourselves in a much happier place with more caring and knowledgeable doctors at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. So far we've been happy with the treatment and if nothing else we've made some progress.

So let's get the basics out of the way now: (1) the doctors don't know what type of cancer it is. It has two different types of cancerous cells and it's lackluster response to the chemo treatment has made trial and error diagnosis unfeasible. We've coined it Rick Cancer - it's big, it's dense, it doesn't know what it wants to be, and just kinda sits there. Much like its host. (2) Rick isn't sick, he just has Cancer. When on Thanksgiving his sisters bawked at him going outside without a hat on his brother put it best when he exclaimed, "he's got Cancer, not pneumonia!" Rick is in amazing shape, he was losing his hair anyway, and he looks better bald - so no he doesn't 'look' like he has Cancer. (3) We're fine. Yes, he has Cancer and, yes, it's scary to think what we'll do if all these treatments don't work, but other than that it's fine.  (4) We don't feel like talking about it.  It will come up in conversation - and in this blog - (it's impossible for it not to) but it's not who we are so it's not all we feel like talking about. 

Whew - not that was therapeutic. Now we can move on.  Welcome back! Oh and Merry Christmas!