The Myth of the Long Distance Relationship

The topic of long distance relationships (LDR) has been brought to my attention a couple of ways in the past few weeks and this last time I couldn't help but imagine Rick and me in that type of situation.  For a little background, the first mention of LDR was in a briefly interesting, but ultimately useless article featured on a search engine home page that I won't do the injustice of mentioning (Yahoo!*ahem).  Sponsored by one dating website or another the article told stories of unconventional yet seemingly successful relationship pairings.  One LDR was being practiced by a couple living across country from each other, but instead of saying they do their best to deal with it they actually claimed it was a choice they made that is best for their relationship.  Really? So you love someone so much that you marry them then decide it's best if you don't live in the same time zone?  The next example was of a psuedo-LDR in which the husband's obsessive cleaning habits made it impossible for him to live with his wife who was a bit messy, so he rented an apartment not far from her condo and dropped in every evening.  OK, as you can see the article went down hill from there.  That only solidified my belief that good LDR's are a myth made up by spouses who like to cheat in their hometown and they only end in disaster.

Then a much more plausible article came along courtesy of my new favorite magazine The Nest which I started receiving after our wedding thanks to my registration on TheKnot.com. In this article an actual psychologist (take note Yahoo! - ahem I mean nameless search engine) talked about a couple who found themselves faced with a tough decision not long after marrying.  The husband had his dream job in their town of residence, while the wife was offered a dream job opportunity in another state. It sounds innocent enough, but what does one do? If one person gives up what they perceive as their of-the-moment dream they could be permanently scorned. But is it selfish for both to pursue career aspirations while leaving their dream marriage waiting in the wings? In the end, they decided to do the latter, but on the advice of the psychologist spoke on the phone everyday - even if just to share those day-to-day tidbits that we typically ignore when shared in person, made frequent visits, weren't afraid of Skype-sex, and constantly reminded themselves that it was a temporary situation until they could figure something better. And there's the key: remembering that it's temporary.  Eventually, one's job may not seem like such a dream if it keeps you from the one you love...

Having seen firsthand the consequences an LDR can have on a marriage when my mom had the option of losing her job or moving with it from Chicago to St. Louis, I am adamently against LDR. But this 'hatred' wasn't just developed from the marriage standpoint alone. If you've ever read this blog you know that of my 10 aunts and uncles - and upteen cousins - on my mother's side not even a handful still live in the Chicago area. Same goes for my brother and sister. Neither live within a 4 hours drive of me.  Sometimes it's like not having family at all. From the moment I knew I loved Rick and Chicago I knew I would never take a job out of state, which is saying a lot considering I work for a global company that's in over100 countries worldwide.  The opportunities could be endless, but I walk around work with blinders on never really opening myself up to the possibility of a job not in Chicago. 

Personally, Rick and I can't even split up for the holidays.  Let alone for an extended period of time.  Rick once drove - after a Christmas Eve party with his family that went until wee hours and after dropping me off at the airport for a 6am flight - to my parent's house on Christmas day so he could be there by time I woke up that afternoon.  Thanksgiving before last Rick was called in to work at the last minute leaving me to drive my grandmother to St. Louis by myself and spend the holiday without him.  On the drive there I developed stress-induced shingles and a month later he proposed.  Clearly, we have no intention - or even the option - of being apart. And I guess that's fine. We'll live out our dreams side-by-side.